Episode 8: Karen Cubides

In this episode I interview Karen Cubides, CEO of Karen Cubides Agency, saxophonist, podcaster, coach and avid educator. Karen and I became friends over the past year, meeting through her work with Calliope Brass and then working together on launching an online community called The Greenroom. The best part of this episode is you can hear how excited we are to be in the same room! After a year of meeting on zoom and talking on the phone, I traveled to Nashville and we had a whirlwind 48-hour "meeting of the minds." I think you can hear the energy we bring to each other and the delight of connecting with someone who brings out the best in us. Follow @greenroom_community on IG to stay up to date on all our big plans! 

Karen has frequently lectured on arts marketing and branding, appearing at the New England Conservatory, the Colburn School, the Curtis Institute of Music, Vanderbilt University, and Boston Conservatory, among other institutions. One of her greatest passions is serving young professionals as they navigate the tumultuous transition from student musician to professional artist. Karen created the Emerging Artists Program within KCA to meet this end. Her unique program allows these musicians to access mentorship, resources, and a thriving community of like-minded creatives at a fraction of the price. As such, their transition is much more tangible and attainable, and these young professionals can easily tap into the guidance they need. 

Karen is also the founder and host of The Musician’s Guide to being Healthy, Wealthy, and Wise. This podcast interviews cutting edge, deeply personal, and wonderfully insightful professionals in the music world and serves as a platform and resource for musicians of all levels. Featured guests on the podcast include Jennifer Wharton, Christian Griego, Jeremy Wilson, Demondrae Thurman, Roxy Coss, and more. 

Karen resides in Nashville, Tennessee with her brilliant husband Nick Laufer, Killebrew Coffee, and their rescue dogs, Aldo and Reina.

Episode 7: Nubia Jones

To honor Maternal and Child Health Month and Black Maternal Health week (April 11-18) we hear from birth worker Nubia Jones. Nubia is the founder of DoulaViva Births, a doula collective, and she is a certified birth doula, postpartum doula, parent educator and breastfeeding counselor. She is also a mother of five! Her journey supporting women and families began in 2000 so she has been in this field for over 20 years. After birthing with midwives, she decided to develop a working relationship at the birth center where her children were born. At this free-standing birth center, Nubia served on the board of directors and led support groups for the expectant families and breastfeeding moms. In 2012, Nubia’s career as a doula took off as she volunteered her services for many families in her hometown, Washington, DC. In 2015, her family relocated and she began serving a diverse population throughout New York and New Jersey where she is currently practicing. 

Nubia and I have a special relationship because she supported me as a doula before during and after the births of both of my children. Because of her presence I felt safe, informed, and empowered as I journeyed through labor and delivery and navigated the rollercoaster of postpartum life. It was an incredible gift to have such positive birth experiences and one that I do not take for granted. It is a tragic fact that in the US, the maternal mortality rate is far higher than other wealthy countries. 

Last week, April 11-18,  the Biden/Harris  Administration published a “Proclamation on Black Maternal Health Week” saying (among many other things),  “Ensuring that all women have equitable access to health care before, during, and after pregnancy is essential.”  I couldn’t agree more. This is where doulas come in as educators and as advocates for families before during and after birth. Listen to this interview with Nubia Jones to hear more about why and how birth workers are essential! 

Episode 6: Hello From the Other Side

Welcome to episode 6! This is a solo episode, just me today. it has been QUITE a while since episode 5 with Tammy Tibbitts. if you listened you’ll remember that I released it on election day during that holding pattern of waiting to hear the results. Since Nov 3rd a lot has happened for our country and for me in my personal life. First and foremost -- we had a baby! We welcomed Oran Eric Smucker into the world on Jan 18th. Life as a family of 4 has been wonderful so far - the hard part being managing my 3 year old who has been dethroned as the one and only -- I’m encouraged by the “big little feelings” blog that lists the regressions your child may demonstrate “times of stress” : 1- increase of potty accidents (check) 2- waking up in the middle of the night (check) 3- clinginess one minute, acting out the next  (check) -- THANK YOU to all my thoughtful friends and family who sent “big brother gifts” they have been a lifesaver

With all of the big family changes (and the new levels of sleep deprivation) I have tried to get my brain into podcast mode a few times, but felt so scattered by all the events of Jan 6th and the ensuing fallout … It seemed like a time to shut up and listen rather than pontificate. I mean -- how are YOU? I’m not doing very well with all of that news -- I had to turn off the radio yesterday when NPR was airing live coverage of impeachment hearings … the audio with voices screaming about killing Mike Pence … the creepy voices yelling  “Naaaaancy, Naaaancy” Like some kind of awful horror movie … and I wasn’t watching the videos … be kind to yourself and be mindful about what kind of images you’re putting in your brain.

It is even scarier to see politicians continue to bow down to Trump even when offered a multitude of escape hatches …. And I’m reminded that they are staying so staunchly allegiant because they represent constituents who are adamant Trump supporters. (See the calls to impeach Republican Liz Cheney of Wyoming after she voted to impeach Trump.) I’m not trying to let them off the hook here, I still think they should be thinking with the long term health and stability of our democracy in the forefront of their minds. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I wish more leaders were willing to stand up for what is right and face the consequences from their constituents. 

I’m thrilled that Joe Biden is about to take the reins, but I do disagree with him when he says “This is not who we are” -- in fact -- the violet mob that invaded the capitol building is a terrifying and accurate portrait of America. Of course, YES - it is a radical extremist faction of America - I can say “It’s not ME” but that misses the point entirely. If we continue to separate ourselves from this violent instinct, this sense of entitlement and then fury when that entitlement is threatened -- we will never fix the problem. We need to recognize that time and time again, America has proven itself a country built on a white supremacist hierarchy upheld by violence and the threat of violence. 

Let’s continue to do the messy and painful work of looking in the mirror and knowing that -- maybe if I was born in a different state, to different parents I too would have been part of the mob. Do I really think I’m that much of a better person? Haven’t I pretty much conformed to the belief system that has been laid out and made available to me since childhood? 

I do know people who have made major generational change (I’m married to one of them) and I know what kind of personal strength it takes to make the choice to go another way. Did anyone ever see that old Adam Sandlar movie “Spanglish?” Not a great movie, but the question the narrator is asked by her mother -- and the driving question of the movie is “Do you want to be someone very different from me?” 

This brings it full circle as I await the arrival of my second child. Will my children (who will walk through the world as white privileged males) choose to live a life similar to mine? Will they want a marriage like mine? Will they pursue higher education the way I did? Will they value art and music? Will they want to be my friend the way my mom is one of my best friends? Will they be friends the way my brother is one of my best friends? 

The real question is: what do I want for my children? My (long form) bio on my website says “She lives with her husband and son in Brooklyn NY, she hopes her son grows up to be kind and curious” … accurate … however, curious does leave a lot of room … what if they become curious about how to accumulate as much power and wealth as possible? The deep dark fear: how do I keep my sons from becoming another power hungry self-serving narcissistic Donald Trump? 

• Reminding myself on a daily basis that his baby is not “mine” -- they are my responsibility to take care of to the best of my ability (which will fluctuate on a daily basis!) but they belong to themselves! They are totally separate from me and will have different likes and dislikes. 

• This brings me to reminder #2: When my children fail spectacularly or shine like the bright beautiful stars I think they are it is not a reflection of me. 

• Community: This is no way I could raise children (or make it through life in general) without the help of friends and family. Can I tell you -- the neighbors in our building took up a collection to welcome this baby into the world. It wasn’t a cash donation gifted to us, they were thoughtful enough to know that our apartment is pretty much full to the brim, instead they all pitched in and raised $800 for the NYC Parents Mutual Aid society. 

• Reminder #3: We all have a finite amount of time and energy. I’ve heard a lot of advice on how you “can’t have it all” -- as in -- you can’t have a career and a family and be successful at both things. I don’t think this is true, at least with just one child (?) I think the key is to be aware that you have a finite amount of time and energy so you only have so much to give before there is nothing left. If you give everything to your job or everything to your family then it’s very true that you can’t have both, but if you keep some balance then it is actually possible to do both. 

• Reminder #4: I have a fantastic partner! Being in a partnership is directly related to my ability to have both a career and a family. My husband Hans offers emotional support and encourages me to pursue the things that pique my interest AND he is a partner at home as well. This reminds me of Brene Brown’s podcast “Unlocking Us”  -- an episode she put out in March of 2020. I listened to it because at the time I was really struggling with comparative suffering. (Comparative suffering is the certain death-spiral where you feel guilty for feeling stressed out because other people have it way worse than you.) The second half of the episode focused on what she called “the 50/50 myth” -- the idea that two people in a relationship need to each give 50% to cover 100% of life. She says that’s a myth because it’s actually rare that partners each over 50%. Often one partner needs to put in more to cover the areas that the other partner can’t handle. For example, if I’m at 30% my partner needs to cover 70%. The danger is when both partners are at 30%. 30+30 = 60 … so what to do about the remaining 40%? This is where asking for help is crucial, this is where you need to have quick meals in the freezer that you can pop in the microwave and not worry about cooking etc. etc.  

All of those reminders that raising sons who are thoughtful/kind/curious/altruistic is not all up to me are comforting. I hope that it encourages any of you who are struggling with these same “spirals” -- especially if you’re struggling with comparative suffering or if you’re trying to juggle too many things. (Ask for help! Really!) As a teacher I know that when I teach something I get much better at it, so I’m hoping that saying all of this out loud here to you all will have a similar effect and put this all more securely in my brain. 

Credits:

Theme music recorded in isolation by Calliope Brass, mixed and mastered by Aleks Ozolins

Executive Producer: Hans Smucker

Episode 5: Tammy Tibbetts

Episode 5 with co-founder and CEO of She's the First Tammy Tibbetts:
YES today [Nov. 3 2020] is anxiety-filled, but today is also an opportunity for us to look inside ourselves, look around at our communities and our world and think deeply about what we have to offer to build the world we want. You may be thinking ... then what!? How do we create systemic change, not just bandaid solutions? How do we make a sustainable long term plan that won’t burn us out in months or years?

Tammy and her co-author Christen Brandt take us through a step-by-step process that answers those big questions in their book Impact: A Step-by-Step Plan to Create the World You Want to Live in.

Release date: 11/17/2020 — Preorder your copy at: planyourimpact.com 

"We talk about in the book the difference between intent and impact. It comes from a good place… I think a lot of people overcommit. I hope this book gives them permission that it’s ok to say no. You don’t have to throw your hat in the ring for every volunteer opportunity and every fundraising ask, because that’s not sustainable and having focus is so important to being effective. 

You can care about every social injustice out there, and you should frankly, but it doesn’t mean that you have to… distribute the bulk of your resources everywhere. You can find ways to practice allyship as a lifestyle, being an ally and an advocate for many different causes, but when you’re making decisions about where to put your time and your money … there’s a finite amount that you have to give. So if you don’t over-distribute that then you’ll be able to find more fulfillment personally because you won’t feel like you’ve scattered yourself so that it’s hard to really know what it all added up to. If you go in with an actual plan, (this is what you walk away from the book with, an actual one page plan of your goals ranked by effort) that you can come back and check in with yourself on, and be honest. I have an impact plan too, there are goals that I’ve set that I just keep not hitting and I’ve had to recognize that “ok, this is just not the time in my life that I’m going to be able to do that but I want to make sure I’m doing this other thing really well.” So, scaling back and not feeling bad about that." 

Episode 4: Doug Albert

Think back to the teacher or the mentor who first ignited the spark inside you and showed you to the “trailhead” of the career/life path you find yourself on today. When I was 9 years old starting out on cornet it was Doug Albert who first showed me how to hold the instrument, how to make a sound, how to stand on stage and go for it and most importantly how much FUN performing can be. What a gift to be able to sit across from Doug almost 30 years later and be able to say THANK YOU! This episode has some fun strolls down memory lane, but we also focus on the present, discussing Doug’s second career as a nutritionist. 

Doug has always led by example, possessing that quiet knack for including and team building that make him such an effective educator whether he’s talking about how to finger G sharp or what to eat for breakfast. In his second career as a nutritionist he continues to orient himself around teaching, lifting others up and a philosophy of lifelong learning. In the image-driven and impatient world of dieting and weight loss, it is so reassuring to hear from someone like Doug who simply wants to help people build healthier life habits. It’s also encouraging to hear his own health journey and how his study and learning has brought him to a much healthier place than where he was in his 30s. 

Some universal wisdom from Doug that can be applied to many aspects of life, not just nutrition: When asked, "What do you tell clients when they feel discouraged about falling back into bad habits?" he replied: First I want them to know that we all have that week or we all have that day, and they are not a bad person because of it. I actually will often just say, that’s the power of the addictive foods. I don’t want you to always say to yourself, “yeah I’m lazy and I’m eating too much food.” That’s the message we were [already] told ... that did not work. So I think instead it’s just accepting the fact that you need to avoid the foods that push your buttons. I just come at it from compassion and say, let’s start again. 

To get in contact with Doug about nutrition coaching go to: https://turningpointsnutrition.com/

Episode 3: Dr. Kristen Albert

For all intents and purposes, Turning Points President Dr. Kristen Albert was living a life many aspire to live. She had earned a doctoral degree, was working as a professor in a University setting, was a leader in her work and in her church, was well liked, and was an inspiration to many. Her work was excellent, but not wholly satisfying. She was highly successful in her field, yet she knew she had gifts to explore. She had created a success story, yet things didn’t feel right.  What was going on and what could she do to figure it out? Our conversation covers this journey from then to now, where Dr. Albert is finding new creative outlets to use her skills fully, owning her own business where she can coach people through the same "turning point" she reached when she decided to leave academia and strike out on her own.

So often people are asking us: “What do you want to be? What do you want to do?” So often we don’t dwell on the questions: “Who am I? What are my gifts? What are my passions? How can I contribute to this world and how am I going to do that?” We say, “What job can I get so I can make a living?”...  That big lie that you get a PhD … and once you get it life is going to be this imagined thing. … I was there [teaching] for 12 years in the institution of higher education and realized that it was confining. … There were lots of great things about it and lots of opportunities but the creator that I am, the dreaming and the positive spirit that I am … was snuffed right out. It was what they wanted me to be and do in that position and it was not … allowing me to offer what I had in that domain. It was the difference between what they thought I should be and what I knew I could be.   

Dr. Albert and I also explored the journey she has been on over the last several years that led to her new awareness of our racially divided society and the racism that BIPOC face on a daily basis. This prompted her to say to herself:

“Stop reading the books Kris! Get going and do something! And so I created, in collaboration with her, [Lana Jenejev] Introduction to Power, Privilege and Leadership. … I believe that each and every one of us has the responsibility in leadership, whether you are the burger flipper at Burger King (which I was, so that’s not a pejorative statement) … no matter where you are, everyone has a responsibility for leadership. … So, [white] people have an opportunity in this private setting to unpack what is whiteness and what it means to be white, implicit bias, racism, white fragility, allyship, all brought together within a leadership framework with actionable steps and accountability. At the end of the 7 day challenge a 90 minute unpack with others who have been through the 7 day challenge to name your learning and to declare your intentions going forward... I’ve been offering it to hundreds of people at no charge. … The next step for people who want to take it a step further… is to come up with actionable ways to respond within their organizations. That’s an 8 week group coaching where they work individually but have the accountability each week and can work with each other, talking through the challenges. The third [step] becomes an ongoing affinity group … where those folks who completed the second level can continue to have these conversations and hold each other accountable.”

Some of the people and orgs Dr. Albert mentioned:
www.dramandakemp.com

www.bethebridge.com

https://episcopalchurch.org/beloved-community

www.liveworksatisfied.com

https://www.facebook.com/pg/QuintEssentiallyBrass/about/ 

Episode 2: Sarah Yukie Gingrich

Sarah Yukie Gingrich is a yogi, yoga teacher and founder of Create Karma, an organization with a mission to empower individuals to become embodied leaders. In our conversation about how she structured the curriculum of Create Karma, she explored with me her philosophy of yoga and why she decided to start the program in the first place.

“I wanted this to be a space where people who would not traditionally come to a yoga training would come, get these skills to radically transform their ability to hold space, to down-regulate their own nervous system, to be someone in their leadership who could balance and heal their body. I think a lot of the people that do this incredibly powerful work have sensitivity and are motivated to be of service because of their own history. It can be generational trauma, it can be race, class, gender, whatever it is, there’s something in their own upbringing, in their own story, that has them be moved to be of service in this way. And I think a lot of people who get moved to be of service, energetically they are better at moving almost outside of their bodies to help other people... For there to be sustainability and longevity for us as leaders you have to learn to create … about yourself a container that will support you. If you’re going to create a movement and a revolution you need to be able to sustain a HUGE container for yourself to have that change be enduring. With the amount of people we move with and work with and the amount of energetic change that happens through our organization, I need to be able to be grounded in my leadership...Those are the skills that occur for me to teach. That is what I think there is about yoga at the core essence of it, but that’s also not always what shows up at yoga teacher trainings necessarily. For me I took yoga in some ways out of the title because I wanted to bring all of those leaders in. I wanted to bring the leaders of churches, I wanted to bring the leaders of the Black Lives movement into our organization. I wanted to impact people that were working in community benefit organizations or the non-profit sector. The people that are moved to be of service, tend to be the people that move outside of their own self interest, frequently in a way that’s not sustainable...How do we get people first inside of themselves, leadership internally and then partnership and community. … Why are you doing what you’re doing?...It’s not superficial. The types of things that occur in our training and the things we’re asking people to do are profound. … I hope it comes through that we make it powerful and compelling to be vulnerable in our work.” 

Episode 1: Why/How/Who

COVID-19 has forced us to take a pause and reevaluate. I wanted to share my experiences and talk about how what I thought I wanted and who I thought I was changed as I recognized where my ego and the expectations of others were dictating my choices and where my heart and talents were actually leading me. The Black Lives Matter call to action of June 2020 is an opportunity for all of us, especially white people, and especially anyone in a leadership role (including parents!) to pause and reevaluate these big questions about how we use our time and energy: why we work/how we work/and who we are working for? The leaders and thinkers I interview on this podcast will help us all muddle through these big questions. Find out who will be our first guest next time on episode two. 

Introduction

It was August 2012, I had just moved cross country (again), and I was living in my parent’s basement with a huge pile of student loans and no job prospects. After years of living with $100 or less in my checking account, doing 6-10 jobs at a time to make ends meet, living in a dysfunctional relationship that had just ended in divorce, not to mention months of sending out applications for any and every job that remotely matched my skill set … let’s just say morale was at an all-time LOW. I thought that I would be teaching at a University, but with the start of the fall semester just days away I had lost hope. My parents took good care of me, thankfully they are in higher ed and they knew from being on countless search committees that the job market was extremely competitive. I had trouble being thankful or giving myself any kind of grace. I wanted to run out and find any kind of job to get enough money to move out. My ego was totally flattened, I thought it was horrible and humiliating that I was divorced and I lived with my parents at age 28 with $0 to my name. 

I was used to being constantly on the go, running frantically from one thing to the next so the sudden FULL STOP was startling and I had no idea what the next step was supposed to be. All through my higher ed journey someone had given me the next step/next hoop with the promise of great things to come. So. Where were these great things? Of course, at that moment I couldn’t see anything positive. I didn’t see the great professional and personal support network I had, I didn’t see the huge set of skills and body of knowledge that I gained from my years in school, I didn’t see the possibilities the future held. I just saw a pathetic loser living in her parents basement who wasn’t good enough. 

I wish I could go back and give myself a huge hug and say: this will get better! You will discover so many good things about yourself! Your path forward is full of big ideas that YOU will come up with and bring to life! You don’t need an institution or a husband to validate what you have to offer! The ironic thing is, people did say those things to me, I just couldn’t hear what they were saying over the noisy tantrum my ego was throwing. Not that anyone under those circumstances is supposed to be totally fine and simply dust themselves off, jump up and get going in the right direction. It was really rough! I have a lot of empathy for any person in the midst of what feels like “total collapse” and if that is you right now - especially now in this time of COVID-19 uncertainty - please reread the statements above! 

The whole point of this introduction to Kate Umble c. 2012 is to give some context into why and how I started on my journey inward. Before I could start believing any of the positive things people were trying to tell me and overcome the negative tsunami I was dumping on myself I had to learn to see the intrinsic value of ME. I sincerely wish that I didn’t have to experience the “total collapse” of 2012 in order to pause long enough to hear my inner whispers, but I know that if I had gotten a college teaching job right out of my DMA program I simply would have found myself in another obstacle course with another set of hoops to jump through. I would have done a great job because I would have put all of my energy into the work... and I would have continued to get all of my self worth and motivation from external factors. Not that every person who was lucky enough to land a job right out of school is devoid of all self-knowledge, I just know that would have been the case for me. 

I’m creating My Umble Opinion in hopes that someone out there will be able to learn from my mistakes without having to experience their own version of total collapse. If this can nudge just one person away from external validation to start their journey toward noticing, hearing and believing their internal validation then I have succeeded! 

How did I learn to see the value in myself and start believing my inner voice? Of course it is not just one simple “life hack.” Humans have been pondering this question and writing about it for millennia. I have been lucky enough to have the time, resources and mentors to help me sift through some of this collective knowledge. I’d like to use this space to share the strategies and philosophies that I’ve found helpful. This is a lifelong journey. I certainly have days (like today) when I’m a vicious perfectionist and I say mean things to myself because I feel like I’ve let someone down or I worry that someone will see that I’m a fallible being…because I am a fallible being! 

I am not an expert in any of these areas, which is why I’m bringing in some of the people who have helped me along the way to talk about their areas of expertise. I’d love to hear from you as well! Taking a look at the topics below if you’re an expert or if some of these jump out at you because you’ve also found them helpful I’d love to get in touch through my contact page or find me in Instagram. Maybe there is something you would like to add to the list that has really worked for you. In that case I’d REALLY like to hear from you! I’ve been trying to put them in order, but everything is so interconnected, you’ll have to tune in to hear where we start. 

1. Mindfulness: 

   1. Yoga and the energetic anatomy of the Koshas

   2. Simple daily rituals 

      1. Gratitude 

      2. Journaling 

2. Building your team: 

   1. Therapy 

   2. Coaching

   3. Finding a community to plug into -- giving and receiving  

3. Self-Knowledge: 

   1. The Enneagram

   2. Check your privilege 

      1. How does white privilege impact my life/career?

      2. How does cisgender privilege impact my life/career? 

4. Self-Care (Garbage in = Garbage out) 

   1. Food! 

   2. Sleep 

   3. What is your media diet? 

   4. Taking a Leap 

   5. Vulnerability 

   6. How to handle people who don’t like what you’re doing 

---- What else do you want to learn more about? What has worked for you?